I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
