I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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