It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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