my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
