she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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