dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You took a bar mat shot.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
