so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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