Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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