8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
