I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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