Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
