I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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