I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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