I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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