Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
