hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
