can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
