I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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