yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
