I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
