At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
