Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
