I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
