I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
