Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
