we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
