She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
