you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
