You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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