Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
