Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
