his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
