I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
