i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
