he wants to bone in the snuggie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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