I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
