We named our party play list daddy issues
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
