i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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