I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
