man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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