I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
