guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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