All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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