he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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