I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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