How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
