We won't sleep together?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
