Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
