Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
