I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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