If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i drank out of a bidet.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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