We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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