It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
